


Love is a madness most discreet

by BrightCrystal



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: (only at the end of chapter one), Homophobic Language, M/M, Smut, there's more loving than fighting tbh, ultras!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-18 11:20:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17579876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightCrystal/pseuds/BrightCrystal
Summary: Since Paulo was 17 his entire life had centered around Juventus. A trip to London forces him to re-evaluate his priorities.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this like six months ago, but I just didn't find the time to finish it. And now when I finally found a bit of time to write, Alvaro goes and signs with Atletico! But I'm just going to ignore that, and post this anyway. There will be three chapters and an epilogue. I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Title is from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet (terribly sappy, I know).  
> And if you want to talk about ultras, hooligans, Paulo Dybala, Alvaro Morata and/or other things i'm dybalarcon on tumblr.

The plane had just landed at Gatwick, and the excitement was through the roof. A Champions League semifinal against Chelsea was both a dream and nightmare, but Paulo chose to see the positive side of it. After all, it was his first trip to England with the Juventus ultras, so it was kind of a big deal to him. Beside him, Matteo was talking loudly to one of the other guys, and hearing his voice somehow made Paulo feel calm. As long as Matteo was there, everything would be okay. They always had each other’s backs. Paulo had only had two beers during the flight (“Well, it’s already 3 in the afternoon, so let’s get some drinks in,” Nico, the boss, had said as soon as the safety belt sign was turned off), but he could feel a slight buzz in his body. There were about twenty of them on this flight, and another dozen had arrived the day before. A few of them had taken the train all the way from Turin, since they were on police watch lists as known hooligans, and couldn’t come directly from Italy. Additionally, there was a whole host of regular Juve-fans on the plane, and they had been offering to pay for the ultras’ drinks, so Paulo thought it was a small miracle that most of them were still relatively sober.  

When Paulo turned his phone on, there was a message from Sara.

“U’re an idiot for skipping class. The lecture was on membrane properties of glycerophospholipids. Good luck trying to figure that out on ur own!”

And then another message, sent only 2 minutes later: “I copied my notes for u. Have fun in London! Forza Juve!”

Paulo smiled at his phone. Sara was an angel, and he was pretty sure that he wouldn’t pass half of his courses if it wasn’t for her help. She was the best friend in the world. He sent her a “thank you” followed by three hearts and a panda emoji, just because it was cute.

“Here we go,” Matteo said eagerly and patted him on the thigh as they waited to leave the plane. Whereas Paulo had “only” skipped class, Matteo had left his job at the warehouse early that day, saying he was feeling feverish and that he probably wouldn’t feel better the next day. Paulo didn’t know how Matteo managed to hold the job, since he regularly showed up late to work, if at all, and often with his face severely bruised.

He punched Matteo lightly in the shoulder. “We aren’t even officially in England yet and you’re already all psyched up,” he said, smiling at his friend’s energy.

“Fucking hell, we’re playing fucking Chelsea in the Champions League semifinal, and you’re, like, telling me to calm down? For fuck’s sake Dybala, grow a pair! This is gonna be epic!” Matteo almost shouted, not exactly angrily, just… enthusiastically.

“Take it easy boys, save it for tonight,” one of the older men of the group said to them. And then it was their turn to get off the plane, so Matteo only shoved Paulo a little in the back and mumbled “fucking pussy” at him. Pretty much business as usual. Paulo wasn’t sure how or why Matteo had become his best friend, but here they were, and Paulo was very fond of this weird lunatic.

Their hotel was close to Stamford Bridge, and so they left their bags in their rooms and then went to meet up with some of the other ultras. Paulo and Matteo hung out with Nico and a group of other guys who had been in the business (as it were) for longer than Paulo had been alive, and they went looking for a place to have more drinks and some food before the match. Everyone was excited, and although they were getting a lot of unfriendly looks for clearly being Juventus-supporters, the evening passed smoothly. Nico was telling them about previous times he had been in London, and Paulo loved listening to stories about what it was like to be an ultra before camera surveillance and other factors had restricted football violence. Some messed up part of him wished that he had been around back then.

“Might be a quiet night, boys. The police is everywhere,” Nico pointed out as they made their way to the stadium. The disappointment in his voice echoed the general feeling in the group; they had all wished for a fight against the legendary London hooligans. Paulo had butterflies in his tummy as they entered the stadium. It wasn’t because he was nervous about whether or not there was going to be a fight, but because he really wanted his team to do well. He and Matteo helped put up the banner of their ultra group, the one bearing the same picture he had tattooed on his ribcage, and Paulo found the familiarity of the mundane task pleasantly soothing.

Paulo and Matteo stood next to each other in the stands, in the midst of the giant mass of juventini that had come to see the game, a sea of black and white, and as the chant started Matteo put an arm around Paulo’s shoulder. Paulo looked at everything happening around him, and he felt like he was home; these were his people, and cheering for Juventus was the biggest purpose in his life. He and Matteo looked at each other, and screamed the words into each other’s faces: _tutto il resto è niente per me, Forza Juve alè!_

Chelsea beat Juventus 2-1. The only consolation was that Juve had scored an away goal, which might make the second leg at home slightly easier. But that didn’t improve the mood of Paulo or the others that night. Nico was clearly looking for a fight, and he was fuming at the security guards who were making sure that the fans of the two teams were kept separated. Paulo and the rest of the gang pulled up their hoods and kept their heads down to avoid being caught on CCTV when they left the stadium, but Nico just kept on yelling at anyone he passed, not caring that he could be recognized. Outside, there was even more police than before the match, and the Juventus ultras got a police escort to the hotels they were staying at. There were some Chelsea hooligans following them, shouting insults, and of course the Italians had to respond in kind. Nico was getting more and more riled up, and he ended up getting arrested. Cecco, Nico’s right hand man, told everyone to just stay calm, and go quietly to their respective hotels. Matteo whispered that Cecco was a coward. Paulo agreed.

Back at the hotel people split up into smaller groups to have a few drinks, talk about the match, and, most importantly, wait for the police to disappear so that they could go back out.

“Hey, umm, remember I told you about Tommy?” Paulo said carefully to Matteo when they were walking through the corridors of the hotel. ”That friend I have here in London? The guy who came to Turin as an exchange student? He’s asking if I’d like to go to a club with him and his friends now. So… umm, I might do that.” Paulo had been practicing this story for days. He had made up a whole bunch of details about “Tommy” in his head, about how they had become friends, and about how much contact they had had recently. It was more elaborate than he wanted it to be, but he needed a scenario that wouldn’t make Matteo want to join him.

“Well this party is pretty much dead, so you might as well, I suppose. At least you could get laid,” Matteo answered, which took Paulo by surprise. He had absolutely expected Matteo to get mad and call him a traitor or something.

“Yeah, let’s hope so,” Paulo said with a laugh that was a little forced.

“Just be quiet when you come back to our room, I’ll fucking stab you if you wake me up.” And that was more the Matteo Paulo knew and loved.

“I’ll do my best. Hope you have a good night,” Paulo said as Matteo started walking towards someone else’s room.

Paulo quickly made his way to his and Matteo’s room to have a shower and change into something more appropriate for a club. He put on his skinniest black jeans, a white t-shirt that left his collarbones bare, and lastly his leather jacket. He made sure that there was a condom and a sachet of lube in the pocket of it, and before he left the room, he checked the address for the club he had chosen to go to one more time. Briefly, he wondered if this was what it felt like to cheat on your partner; having to hide a part of your life, but at the same time enjoying that same part so much that it was impossible to live without it.

An Uber and twenty minutes later he was at the club.

There wasn’t a queue, but the place seemed packed to the rafters when Paulo entered. There were two guys making out just by the door, and Paulo apologized when he accidentally bumped into one of them. They broke apart, and they both gave him a slow onceover.

“Oh hello, aren’t you pretty?” one of them said. Paulo blushed furiously, even though he had received that same compliment countless times before. He smiled timidly, and then walked past them.

“There’s plenty of room for one more in our bed,” the other one shouted after him. Paulo blushed even more.

The interior of the club was all red, and although Paulo thought it looked a little tacky, it seemed like quite a nice place. It didn’t feel shabby at all, like some of the gay clubs he had visited during away games. He saw a cloakroom, so he stopped to leave his jacket there.

“It’s two pounds or a blowjob,” the guy said as he took the jacket. Paulo couldn’t help but laugh a little. The guy was actually quite hot, but Paulo thought he might have been joking, so he offered him a two pound coin and a smile.

“Ugh, and they say nobody carries cash anymore…” the guy in the cloakroom mumbled as Paulo left.

He headed straight for the dancefloor, and the minute he stepped on to it, he felt someone put a hand on his hip. He only glanced quickly at the man’s face before leaning into his touch and letting himself be led further onto the dancefloor. They danced for a while, but soon enough Paulo felt another man put his hands on his hips too, and so he turned to dance with him instead. And he was having the time of his life. The feeling of being able to just let go and be himself was like a drug, and he had been in withdrawal for too long. He forgot all about Juve’s defeat, all about football, and he just enjoyed the feeling of guys pushing themselves against him, whispering naughty things in his ear. 

He didn’t know for how long he danced, but after a while he felt like he needed a drink, and so he made his way to the bar. As he was waiting to order, Paulo noticed the most gorgeous man standing further down the counter, sipping on a beer. He was tall, and had dark features, and Paulo couldn’t help but stare. The man must have felt Paulo’s eyes on him, because he turned his head so that their eyes met. He smiled kindly towards Paulo, and Paulo felt his own lips turn upwards.

“What are you having, love?” the bartender asked at that very moment, and it drew Paul out of a dream world he didn’t know he had been in.

“What? I- No, nothing. Sorry,” Paulo said, and then immediately started making his way over to the man. They smiled at each other the entire time, and when Paulo reached him, the man downed the rest of his beer and nodded once towards the dancefloor, his eyebrows rising to mark that it was question. Paulo took his hand and led the way to a spot close to the DJ booth. The man was wearing a blue button up that showed off his slim body perfectly. Paulo put his hands on the man’s hips, and they started swaying to the music, carefully at first, but it didn’t take long before they were grinding against each other, Paulo feeling the other one’s hands roam all over his body.

“What’s your name?” the man asked.

“Paulo. You?”

“You can call me Ally. Why haven’t I seen you here before?” he asked.

“I don’t live in London, only visiting,” Paulo said. He knew his English was far from perfect, and he felt oddly self-conscious as he answered the question. He thought maybe the loud music would drown out the worst of his accent.

“So where are you from, then?” Ally asked, his lips closer to Paulo’s ear than necessary.

“Argentina, but I live in Italy,” Paulo answered. Ally pulled away slightly, looking at Paulo’s face with a bright smile. He leaned in again, and said to Paulo in Spanish:

“I guess we don’t have to speak English then.” Paulo smiled, feeling relieved about the fact that they had a language in common. “Oh, and my name is actually Alvaro, but apparently that’s too complicated for the English-speaking world,” he continued with an eye roll. That made Paulo giggle, which in turn made Alvaro smile.

Paulo had never really cared much for actually talking to the people he hooked up with. He only ever did one night stands, and he never wanted to spend the whole night with anyone. It was always just a simple matter of getting an orgasm and then leaving. But for some reason this was different. Alvaro was different. Paulo wanted to know everything about him. He wanted to know if Alvaro had always lived in London, or if he had moved here only recently, he wanted to know what Alvaro’s favourite film was, if he preferred autumn or spring.

Paulo didn’t really know what to do with all of those emotions, so he just pressed himself closer to Alvaro as they continued to dance. Alvaro held his hands just above the swell of Paulo’s ass, but Paulo reached behind himself and moved Alvaro’s left hand further down. The right hand soon followed without any effort from Paulo, and Alvaro smiled, this time with a decisively naughty look in his eye. He squeezed Paulo’s ass and pressed his crotch against him, which made Paulo just want to tear Alvaro’s clothes off.

They look each other deep in the eyes, and they both thought the same thing at the same time, so just as Paulo reached up to kiss Alvaro, Alvaro leaned down to kiss Paulo. Their lips met, and Paulo could swear there were fireworks going off in the distance. He never wanted the kiss to end, and so he pulled Alvaro closer, and deepened the kiss even further, licking into Alvaro’s mouth.

Paulo didn’t exactly hear the moan that escaped Alvaro, he just felt it against his mouth. He was starting to get hard, and thankfully Alvaro seemed to be heading the same way. They continued to move against each other, and Paulo was actually starting to feel Alvaro’s hardness quite clearly against his hip. Alvaro was kissing him with more urgency, before suddenly pulling away.

“Fuck, I want you right now. Toilets okay for you?”

Paulo liked the straightforwardness he encountered in most of these situations. Nobody expected any courtship, it was enough to simply want someone, and let that someone know that they were wanted. And since he now was almost starting to feel dizzy from being so turned on, he nodded at Alvaro’s suggestion.

Alvaro led them away from the dancefloor, and down a flight of stairs to what was apparently the toilets. There were people just hanging out there since the music was a little less loud, some were just talking, others making out. Alvaro took Paulo through a door that revealed a half a dozen sinks and as many individual toilet stalls. Clearly Alvaro wasn’t the first one to have the idea of having sex here, since Paulo could hear loud moans coming from one of the stalls. Alvaro led Paulo to the one furthest away, which happened to be free.

Alvaro motioned for Paulo to get in first, and then followed him before closing the door behind them. He gently pushed Paulo so that he leaned his hands against the wall behind the toilet seat. He then pressed his front against Paulo’s back and kissed his neck. His hands quickly found their way under Paulo’s t-shirt, and he pinched his nipples, which made Paulo draw in a sharp breath. Alvaro smiled against Paulo’s neck, and even though sex was the foremost thought in Paulo’s mind, that little smile made him feel something more. Something… fuzzy in his entire body that he had never really felt before.

He didn’t have a chance to dwell on it though, since Alvaro started to undo Paulo’s fly. He pulled Paulo’s jeans and underwear down so that Paulo’s ass was bare, but his cock still covered by his boxer shorts. Alvaro then pulled down his own jeans, and Paulo just _had_ to see, so he turned his head to look at Alvaro over his shoulder. Of course Alvaro noticed, and couldn’t help but tease a little.

“You like what you see?” he grinned at Paulo, raising an eyebrow.

Paulo just smiled a little and nodded, and then promptly turned his gaze to the front again, and pushed his ass a little further back. Alvaro cupped his ass cheeks and massaged them gently, just for a moment, but right then a loud moan came from one of the other stalls. It was followed by a string of expletives, and then “please, fuck me harder, daddy, fuck me!”

Alvaro giggled a little, and Paulo giggled a lot, but the guys next door were only getting started. There was more of the same, and Alvaro just pressed himself against Paulo again, sighing loudly.

“You still wanna? This isn’t like… too weird?” he whispered. Paulo could admit that it wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t exactly the first time he had been fucked in a toilet where literally everyone knew what was going on behind those sad excuses for doors, so he was fine with it. Besides, Alvaro’s cock pushing against his bum made it very difficult to not want this.

“It’s fine, I want to,” he told Alvaro. And so Alvaro went back to what he was doing. He kissed Paulo’s neck, and then continued his treatment of Paulo’s ass. But the noises from next door were getting steadily worse, and soon both Alvaro and Paulo were shaking from trying to contain their laughter.

“I’m not sure this is gonna work after all,” Paulo whispered with some difficulty, trying not to burst out laughing. Alvaro just nodded, biting his lip to keep any loud giggles from escaping. They pulled their pants up, and left the toilets in a hurry, and just when they were outside they collapsed against each other, laughing so much that there were tears streaming down their faces.  

“It wasn’t even that funny!” Alvaro said once the worst of their giggles had subsided.

“I know. We shouldn’t laugh, it wasn’t like we were in there to pee either,” Paulo answered, his face completely serious.

Alvaro looked at him and nodded, expression equally serious. For about three seconds. Then they both burst out laughing again.

When they once again had calmed down, Alvaro kissed Paulo on the cheek.

“You wanna get out of here?” he asked. It took Paulo by surprise, and that odd fuzzy feeling was definitely back again. He looked at Alvaro, and he thought that this had to be what people felt when they were admiring the Mona Lisa or The Birth of Venus. Alvaro was art. He was too beautiful to be understood in terms of science or rationality, and Paulo felt slightly overwhelmed by that realization.

He had apparently been starring for a bit too long, since the piece of art suddenly raised a hand and waved it a little in front of Paulo’s face. “Anybody home?” Alvaro asked with a goofy smile.

Paulo swatted away Alvaro’s hand, and huffed out a small laugh.

“Yeah, let’s go. I’m still pretty horny anyway, so maybe we could do something about that,” he said, needing to joke away the tension he was feeling. Alvaro did his cute little giggle, and then followed Paulo up the stairs and through the mass of people on the dancefloor. They stopped to get their coats, and once outside, Alvaro pulled Paulo into a hug and kissed him feverishly. Paulo returned the kiss, and Alvaro made a pleased little sound.

“Hey, look, I wish we could go to mine, but my roommate is a bit anti me bringing guys there. I’m really sorry,” Alvaro admitted. “Are you staying in a hotel? Any chance we could go there?” he asked.

Paulo didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the thought of bringing Alvaro to his and Matteo’s shared room, but the answer was clear: “Not an option, I’m afraid.”

Alvaro sighed. He leaned down a little and pressed his forehead against Paulo’s, and one of his hands came up to play with the hair at the nape of Paulo’s neck.

“There’s this place… A park not too far from here… and umm, people go there to… yeah,” Alvaro said in a tentative, but hopeful, voice. “I’m not sure it’s really any better than the toilets though,” he added.

Paulo smiled and reached up to kiss Alvaro. “Works for me,” he said against Alvaro’s lips.

They started walking, and after only a few paces, Alvaro grasped Paulo’s hand. Paulo turned to look up at Alvaro, who only gave him a small smile, and squeezed his hand even harder. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. They had just been about to have sex, for god’s sake, but it was the first time ever Paulo had held hands with a man in public. And it was like the warmth from Alvaro was radiating through Paulo’s entire body, cancelling out the chill of the April night, and making him feel calm and safe in a way that was utterly new to him.

They kept walking for a moment, and then came to a park that was surrounded by a high metal fence. Alvaro climbed over it easily enough, but Paulo hesitated for a moment.

“This looks… very illegal,” he told Alvaro, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Yeah,“ Alvaro said with a shrug, looking at Paulo as if asking ‘what’s your point?’. “Come on, I’ll help you over,” he continued.

“I can climb over a fucking fence,” Paulo said with slight irritation, which made Alvaro smile.

Paulo landed a little awkwardly, but Alvaro caught his arm, and pulled him into a hug. He kissed Paulo briefly before leading him a little further into the park, so that they were hidden by the trees. Under Alvaro’s touch it was easy for Paulo to get into the mood again. Their movements were swift and deliberate, and soon Paulo was standing facing a tree, his hands up against it for support, and Alvaro was pulling down his jeans. He heard Alvaro put on a condom, and then felt his hand on his hips.

Alvaro wasn’t being particularly gentle as he spread some lube over Paulo’s entrance, and when he pushed in without warning, Paulo winced.

“You okay?” Alvaro checked, his cheek leaning softly against the side of Paulo’s head.

“I’m good, it’s okay,” Paulo said, more as a reflex than anything else, and although it did hurt quite a lot he tried to ignore it, and take in the beautiful small sounds that Alvaro was making. He just wanted Alvaro to enjoy this, and his own pleasure didn’t feel nearly as important. Paulo wished that there wasn’t around five layers of fabric between them, he wanted to feel Alvaro’s skin on his, wanted Alvaro to touch every part of him. He found himself hoping that there would be a next time when all of that could come true. It didn’t take long before Alvaro’s thrusts got more erratic, and he whispered hoarsely into Paulo’s ear: “Fuck, Paulo, I’m gonna come.”

Paulo just nodded as Alvaro gasped, his mouth open against Paulo’s neck in a silent scream. They stayed still while Alvaro was catching his breath, but he soon pulled out and got rid of the condom.

“Turn around,” he said to Paulo and got down on his knees. Paulo gave him a confused look over his shoulder, but Alvaro grabbed his hips and took his half-hard cock into his mouth. Paulo yelped in surprise, but Alvaro kept going, and Paulo almost passed out from how good it felt. His entire body was tingling from all of the sensations. He looked down at Alvaro, whose brow was furrowed in concentration, and Paulo found it fascinating how sweet Alvaro looked while doing something so dirty. Paulo came in no time, biting his fist so he wouldn’t scream, while Alvaro stroked him through it.

“Jesus fuck,” Paulo swore when his orgasm had subsided. He pulled up his jeans before once again being wrapped up in a hug by Alvaro. “You sure like your cuddles, don’t you?” Paulo asked with a smile, his face smashed against Alvaro’s chest.

“I just like holding you,” Alvaro said softly. Paulo had no reply. No words. So he just held Alvaro more tightly and hoped that it would convey that he felt the same way. They stood there for a while, neither willing to move away, but finally Alvaro broke the silence.

“You wanna like… just walk around for a bit? I like walking around when it’s dark. It’s like… the city is so calm, you know?” he asked. And Paulo took a mental note, he had finally learned something about Alvaro, and he wanted to know more. _Are you a dog person or a cat person? When is your birthday?_

“Yeah, that’d be nice,” Paulo replied, trying not to let his smile become too wide. Alvaro looked pleased at that, and then led the way over the fence again.

“So how come you’re in London?” Alvaro wondered as they walked side by side, arms brushing against each other.

“I’m just here with a few friends for an extended weekend,” Paulo lied. He wasn’t sure why, of course he could have told Alvaro that they were in London to watch the game, but… football didn’t have a place in this part of his life. Not at all. So it was better this way.

“Oh, cool. Your first time here?” he asked.

“Yeah. It seems like a really nice place.” It did. He had seen like… several square meters of it. “Have you always lived here, or…?” he asked Alvaro.

“I was born in Madrid, but my family moved here when I was only about two years old. My mum’s from London, and she wanted to come back home,” Alvaro said. “You said you were Argentinian, but living in Italy. What’s the story?” he then asked, smiling kindly.

“Umm... a long one?” Paulo said, huffing out a little laugh. Alvaro nodded, looking down at the ground. “I mean… I’ll tell you if you want to, but just warning you that it might take a while,” he added.

“I’ve got nowhere to be,” Alvaro said gently.

And so without any hesitation, Paulo told him. He talked about how his dad had died when Paulo was fifteen, about how his mother had decided to move the family to Turin, where her parents were from. He told Alvaro about how difficult it had been for him to learn a new language while still grieving for his father, and he talked about how much he still sometimes missed his old friends and his hometown. He even told Alvaro about how he had been teased in school for having a weird accent and clothes that didn’t fit because they were hand-me-downs.

Alvaro just listened. He nodded and smiled, and looked concerned or sympathetic, depending on what Paulo was saying, but he didn’t interrupt once. He held Paulo’s hand, and squeezed it a little extra when Paulo said something sad. 

“So… yeah. That’s basically… my entire life story,” Paulo said, realizing that he had probably talked for 30 minutes straight. “Sorry, I must have bored you out of your mind,” he continued with a sheepish smile. 

“No, hey… No seriously, it’s okay. I loved listening to you talk,” Alvaro said, stopping in his tracks and pulling Paulo closer so that they were facing each other. “I just didn’t want to interrupt. I’m so sorry about your dad. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like.”

“Thanks,” Paulo said quietly. It was strange how much less it hurt to talk about his dad when Alvaro was the one listening. Paulo hadn’t really told the whole story to anyone all at once, and it was a difficult topic for him. Alvaro brushed a strand of hair away from Paulo’s forehead, and then cupped his cheek. Paulo leaned up to kiss him, but his time the kiss was less heated, it was a kiss between two people who had all the time in the world. 

“Your turn,” Paulo said happily when they broke apart. “What’s your story?” 

“I don’t really have one. I don’t remember anything from the time in Spain, and only seeing the Spanish side of my family a couple of times a year hasn’t exactly been traumatizing. So that part wasn’t so bad. I guess… I dunno,” he trailed off, but Paulo wanted to hear more, so he gave Alvaro an encouraging nod. “I grew up in kind of a rough neighbourhood, and some of my friends got into drugs and stuff, so… that sucks,” Alvaro said.

“But you stayed away from that kind of life?” Paulo asked.

“Yeah. It wasn’t my thing. Like… I wanted to do well in school and go to uni and stuff like that. You know? Have a better life,” Alvaro explained. The tone in his voice made Paulo suspect that life might not have turned out the way Alvaro wanted to.

“Did you? Have a better life?” Paulo asked, too curious to just let it go.

Alvaro huffed out a humourless laugh. “In a way,” he said. He started walking again, and Paulo followed. He found himself being afraid that Alvaro might be mad at him for asking, even though it shouldn’t even matter, they didn’t know each other, they could just part ways the second they didn’t enjoy each other’s company and that would be that.

He needn’t have worried. Alvaro took hold of Paulo’s hand after only a second. He wasn’t looking at Paulo, but he started talking again, his tone much more cheerful.

“I actually just finished uni less than a year ago,” Alvaro began. “I’m a history teacher, but here in London it’s difficult to get a job, so I’m still looking for something. I work part-time in a café now. Like, you know, just for now… while I look for something,” he explained.

“Oh, okay Yeah, finding a job is a nightmare. I work part-time, too, in a small grocery store, but I have no idea if I’ll be able to find anything closer to my education once I graduate,” Paulo replied.

“What do you study?”

“I’m getting a master’s in biochemistry. I’d like to work in a hospital lab, you know, with analysing samples, or maybe specialize in medicinal chemistry, to create new medicines. I’m not sure yet, but something like that,” Paulo mused as they walked. And Alvaro was just staring at him with wide eyes. 

“What?” Paulo asked, surprised by the reaction.

“So you’re… you’re actually smart? Like… No sorry, of course you are!” he stammered when Paulo raised his eyebrows and looked a little offended. “I just meant that… I mean… science is pretty hard core. Like you actually have to know what you’re doing,” Alvaro tried, a little flustered.

“Hey, you have to be smart to study history, too. And I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing most of the time,” Paulo said, shaking his head a little. “Sometimes I feel like I might not have what it takes to make a career out of this.”

“I’m sure you’re just being too harsh on yourself. I reckon most people feel like they have no idea what they’re doing. ‘Fake it ‘til you make it’ has become a cliché for a reason,” Alvaro smiled.

“I guess,” Paulo said, returning the smile.

“Hey what’s your favourite film?” Paulo asked out of the blue, just remembering that he had wondered about it earlier in the evening.

“My favourite film? Why?” Alvaro said, clearly amused.

“I don’t know, I was just curious,” Paulo said, a bit bashful. It was a bit weird asking that after such a serious conversation, wasn’t it?

Alvaro giggled, and Paulo felt so inexplicably happy for having caused that wonderful thing to happen.

“Okay, fair enough. I have a few, but I think Eastern Promises, if I had to pick one. Viggo Mortensen is a god amongst men,” Alvaro said, and Paulo nodded excitedly in agreement. “What about you?”

“Maybe Inception. The plot twist is amazing,” Paulo answered. 

“Good choice.”

That led them into a discussion about favourite actors, which turned into a debate about whether the Oscar’s mattered or not, which in turn led them to talk about American politics, before it somehow led them to talk about who their first crushes had been. They kept walking the quiet streets of London, and they kept talking about everything and nothing. Paulo learned that Alvaro hated boiled carrots, and that he as a kid had a dog called Cooper. Alvaro learned that Paulo liked it when it snowed, and that he had once broken his leg trying to do parkour.

Every now and then they stopped to kiss each other, sometimes just a few quick pecks on the lips, but other times in a way that made Paulo feel like he was flying. When the sun was already starting to rise, there was a lull in the conversation, so Paulo just took in his surroundings. They were in a residential area that looked pretty posh, the houses were all white, and had beautiful little front gardens.

“Hey, umm… where are we, actually?” he asked Alvaro.

“Kensington. Or well, I suppose this is already Earl’s Court,” Alvaro supplied, and Paulo realized they were close to the hotel he was staying at. He also realized that he hadn’t spared a single thought to football or Juventus or any of it for hours, and that was a rare occurrence.

“My hotel is close to here,” he said, and Alvaro looked so sad that Paulo’s heart broke a little.

“Can I walk you there?”

And Paulo felt his stomach drop, because yes, he wanted to spend every moment he could with Alvaro, but if someone saw them together… He must have looked as scared as he felt.

“Your friends don’t know you’re with a guy?” Alvaro guessed. “It’s okay, I get it. I’m not out to a lot of my friends either,” he said kindly, his thumb moving in comforting little circles across Paulo’s knuckles. “Can I at least walk you far enough so I know you won’t get lost?” Alvaro asked with a small smile.

Paulo nodded. He couldn’t believe how wonderful and kind and perfect Alvaro was, and he was starting to think he might just be in a dream right now.

They stopped at an intersection where Paulo should turn left to go to his hotel. They held each other for a long time before Alvaro let go, looking a little goofy.

“If you’d like I could give you my number and then you could text me when you get to your hotel and I wouldn’t have to worry,” he said all in one go, so fast that half the words were just basically one noise.

Paulo smiled brightly. “Sure”. He gave Alvaro his phone and watched him tap in the digits before returning it with a relieved look on his face.

“This has been the best night of my life,” Alvaro confessed in whisper, holding both of Paulo’s hands in his, his gaze turned towards the ground.

“Mine, too,” Paulo said, looking at Alvaro, mapping his face so he would never forget it.

Alvaro looked up, and their eyes met briefly before Alvaro kissed Paulo. Alvaro’s hands grabbed at Paulo’s jacket, and he hugged Paulo close to himself. Paulo’s hands came up to play in Alvaro’s hair and his face was buried in the crook of Alvaro’s neck, and he felt like he never wanted to let go. He wanted to stay here, right here, for the rest of his life.

“I know you said that you’re leaving tomorrow, but do you have time to meet up before that? If you want to,” Alvaro asked, voice a little unsure.

“Yeah. Yeah, I want to and I have time and I really want to,” Paulo murmured into Alvaro’s shoulder. He felt Alvaro smile.

“Good. When’s your flight?”

“Late afternoon, around six, I think.”

“Okay. My roommate leaves for work at 10, so after that you could come to mine,” Alvaro suggested.

“That sounds perfect,” Paulo said. Alvaro kissed him on the ear as they let go of each other, and that little gesture made Paulo’s heart flutter in a way that he hadn’t thought possible.

“Good night, Paulo,” Alvaro said, and then took a few steps, starting to walk away.

“Good night, Alvaro. See you tomorrow. Or like… later today, I guess…” Paulo responded, and Alvaro rewarded him with that beautiful little giggle.

They started walking in opposite directions, and even though Paulo already missed Alvaro’s touch, he realized that he had never been this happy in his entire life. It was a completely overwhelming thought, but it made him feel like he was walking on clouds, like there was nothing in the world that could drag him down. He also realized that his face hurt from smiling so much, but he literally couldn’t stop, and just accepted that he would walk down the street smiling to himself, looking like an idiot. He was strangely okay with it.

As he got to the lobby of the hotel, he texted Alvaro.

_I’m at my hotel. Thanks for an amazing night._

_Glad you’re home safe. Text me when you wake up, and we’ll decide on a place to meet. xx_

_OK! xx_

He tried to be quiet as he entered his and Matteo’s room, but Matteo still woke up.

“Heeey, Paulito!” Matteo greeted him sleepily. So at least he wasn’t angry for being woken up.

“Hi. Go back to sleep, it’s still early,” Paulo said.

“No way, tell me about her,” Matteo urged, turning on the bedside lamp and grimacing at the sudden brightness. “Okay, wipe that fucking grin of your face, it’s disgusting,” he continued.

“Shut up, Matteo,” Paulo muttered. He was still smiling.

“So you _did_ get laid! Well? Come on, blond or brunette? Big tits?” Matteo asked, not for a moment doubting what Paulo had been doing during the night.

“Brunette, and umm…” Paulo began, just wanting to get this over with. It wasn’t the first time he had to make up a girl and an explicit story to go with her. But when he tried to think of something more to say, he couldn’t. Alvaro was all he could think about, and he even felt like any lie he told would somehow spoil their perfect night. He just shrugged when Matteo gave him an eager nod. “I dunno, man. It was just… whatever. How was your night?”

And Matteo lit up. “Oh man, it was so fucking good,” he said excitedly. “You’ll be so sorry you missed it! Okay, so. We were heading out again, like a couple of hours after you left, it was just a few of us and we left one by one, so the police wouldn’t notice, right? And we met up with Carlo’s crew, right? And they knew this place where those cunts from outside the stadium would be, so we were going there, but then… but then, Paulo, fuck…” Matteo trailed off and started laughing. “Oh fuck Paulo, we saw these…” Matteo tried again, but started laughing once more.

Paulo knew that laugh. It was the way Matteo laughed at people after a fight. It was the sound that the victims of Matteo’s fists heard when they were already on the ground, begging him to stop.

“Okay, oh, god, it was so funny, Paulo, you should have seen it,” Matteo said. “There were these two guys, right? Walking hand in hand, like on a fucking date or something, and Michele just goes ‘Nah, I’m not fucking looking at shit like that tonight’ and he just fucking punched one of them! Paulo! He just ran up to the guy and hit him in the fucking face! It was just like that time in Rome! Remember? When you broke that one faggot’s nose?” Matteo was laughing even harder now, but Paulo had become completely paralyzed. He was sitting at the edge of his bed, unable to move even the smallest muscle in his body. He felt like he was being crushed, like some invisible wall had collapsed on top of him, and was slowly squeezing the life out of him.

And Matteo just continued. “So yeah, we all pretty much joined in after that. I mean there was two of them, so plenty to go around, you know. They didn’t really put up much of a fight, so we didn’t go at them for that long. It was funny how they begged, though, ‘please stop, please no more’,” Matteo mimicked in his broken English.

Paulo couldn’t take it. He ran to the bathroom and started to dry heave into the toilet. He heard Matteo laugh and yell something about drinking too much, but the ringing in Paulo’s ears made it difficult to make out all of the words. His vision narrowed, and he thought he was going to pass out. As he got down on his knees, Matteo’s laugh got more distant, so the door must have closed behind him. He was struggling to breathe, and when he tasted salt in his mouth, he realized that tears were streaming down his face. He lay down on the cold tile floor, his body curled up, and tried to keep quiet. The sobs ripped through his body in painful waves, and he prayed to god and the universe for forgiveness.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a loud noise, like a door slamming. The scream of the man lying at his feet faded away. The pavement disappeared from under his feet, the blood vanished from his hands, and the darkness around him turned to a soft light filtering through the curtains. He tried to move, and found himself wrapped up in a soft blanket. It had only been a nightmare. 

Paulo opened his eyes, but they burned from too little sleep and too many tears, so he closed them again. He heard the shower running, so he must have woken up to Matteo closing the door to the bathroom. The previous night was slowly coming back to him, and as he thought of Alvaro, he felt his stomach swoop. Had it even been real? Surely only Paulo’s imagination could have come up with such a perfect man. Then again, he would never allow himself to dream of such happiness as last night had brought him. 

He imagined holding Alvaro’s hand again, his fingers moving to grip around air, his thumb stroking gently over soft skin that was only an illusion. And then it all came crashing down as he remembered Matteo’s story. Paulo felt guilt and sadness turn the blood in his veins to ice, and his entire body ached. He tried to steady his breath, tried to push the thoughts away, succeeding only partially. It could have been him and Alvaro. It could have been them meeting the wrong people last night. But it could just as easily have been Paulo doing the beating. He wasn’t sure which scenario made him feel worse, and he didn’t know how to even begin to process the self-hatred he was feeling, but irrationally he wanted Alvaro to make it better, he wanted Alvaro to hold him and tell him everything would be okay.

On instinct, he reached for his phone, and found two messages from Alvaro. His heart skipped a beat when he saw them, and instantly he felt more grounded. In the first message, Alvaro sent his address accompanied by a description of how to get there by tube, and asked Paulo to let him know when he was coming over. He also wrote that he hoped Paulo had slept well. The second message was Alvaro saying that he of course understood if Paulo had changed his mind about coming over, or if it turned out that he after all didn’t have the time. The corners of Paulo’s mouth turned upwards at their own accord. It was already past nine o’clock, so he answered Alvaro:

_Of course I haven’t changed my mind. I’ll leave in half an hour._

Paulo kept rereading the messages from Alvaro, and his smile grew bigger. As he was staring at his phone, the bathroom door opened, and Matteo stepped into the room with a towel around his hips. He charged at Paulo, grabbing at his phone.

“Is it her? Is it the girl from last night?” he yelled excitedly as he tried to wrestle the phone out of Paulo’s grip. Thankfully, Paulo was prepared, and locked his phone quickly. 

“So what if it is? Come on, Matteo, stop it,” Paulo groaned, half-covered by Matteo’s body.

“Are you gonna see her again? Today?” Matteo asked as he fixed the towel that was threatening to fall off his hips, and moved to sit on the edge of Paulo’s bed.

“Yeah, maybe. I mean… there’s plenty of time before we have to leave for the airport, so we kinda made plans, yeah,” Paulo said, looking down at his lap, phone clutched tightly in his hand.

Matteo gave Paulo a curious look. “What about Sara?” he asked.

Paulo looked a little confused, and almost asked ‘what about her?’ before his brain caught up with him. The thing was, he had let Matteo and the guys think that he and Sara were more than friends, because it saved him a lot of trouble. And he was pretty sure that none of the guys would ever meet Sara, so it felt like a safe strategy. He hated how easily the lie came to him:

“It’s been a little difficult lately. Like we’re both really focused on our studies right now, and there’s just not a lot of time for other stuff.”

“That sucks,” Matteo said sympathetically. He looked like he wanted to say something more about the subject, but decided against it. “Hey, are you feeling better? Did you get any sleep? You were kinda just tossing and turning in bed all night. Well, all of these, what, three hours since you came back,” he continued instead, sounding a little worried.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just… you know… had a bit too much to drink, and then the headache wouldn’t go away,” Paulo answered. He wanted to hate Matteo for what he and the others had done the night before, but these people had become like another family to Paulo. Matteo wasn’t just his best friend, he was a brother, and he always had Paulo’s back, whether it was in a fight against other ultras or against a hangover. Matteo ruffled Paulo’s hair a little before getting up and fetching an ibuprofen and a glass of water for him. Paulo mumbled a “thanks” as Matteo started to get dressed.

“We have to check out in about 30 minutes, so you should probably at least start thinking about getting out of bed,” Matteo grinned when Paulo pulled the blanket more tightly around himself. He made a sad face at Matteo, but it made sense, and so he sat up more straight and checked his phone. Alvaro had replied to his text, and said they could meet up at the tube station close to his place. The prospect of meeting Alvaro again made the smile return to Paulo’s face, and he hurried to the bathroom to shower before Matteo could comment on it.

When Paulo was all done, they went down to the hotel lobby together, where the rest of their group had already gathered. Paulo told them that he was spending the day with a girl he had met, and they all whooped and made some very inappropriate remarks. The lie gave him that same uneasy feeling he had gotten earlier from trying to make up a girl for Matteo’s benefit. He hated it.

As Paulo walked to the tube station, he passed the intersection where he had said goodbye to Alvaro earlier, and he couldn’t stop a smile appearing on his lips. He tried to bite the inside of his cheek so that he wouldn’t walk around smiling like an idiot, but it was difficult. Alvaro just had this effect on him that meant he couldn’t help showing how happy he was. His mood was instantly made worse by the sight of a small shop that sold all kinds of knockoff football memorabilia. The blue colour of Chelsea featured prominently in the display window and Paulo wanted to smash his fist through that stupid window.

Alvaro’s ridiculously detailed instructions didn’t just tell him exactly where to change lines and where to get off, but also how to use the tube. First Paulo had rolled his eyes (he was perfectly capable of buying a ticket, thank you very much) but in the end he was quite thankful for it, since his brain would probably have been too sleep deprived to figure it out. The tube wasn’t too busy, so he sat down on the seat that he decided had the least amount of suspicious stains on it. As he did, he realized that he could still kind of feel Alvaro inside of him. After all, the… _events_ in the park had been a little rough, even if Paulo hadn’t exactly minded. The realization made Paulo blush and he tried to pull his collar up to hide his pink cheeks, although it didn’t really work.

When he arrived at the station where he would meet Alvaro, he felt a warmth and a pleasant anticipation in his entire body, and he almost ran out of the carriage and up the stairs. Alvaro was waiting for him at the entrance to the station, and when he saw Paulo, his face lit up. Paulo thought he looked even more beautiful than the night before, wearing a beige trench coat and blue jeans, and Paulo walked over to him as fast as he could, a big smile on his face, and wrapped his arms around him. But Alvaro only returned the hug briefly, before pulling away. Paulo felt a little hurt, and completely confused.

“Not here,” Alvaro said quietly, looking around them before meeting Paulo’s eyes and giving him an apologetic smile.

“Oh, sorry,” Paulo said. Of course he understood having to hide, but he had kind of hoped that Alvaro’s life would be different, that Alvaro wouldn’t have to hide who he was. And it broke Paulo’s heart a little to see how anxious Alvaro looked. “It’s okay,” he added.

Alvaro looked slightly less pained at that, and then motioned to Paulo to follow him. He offered to carry Paulo’s duffle bag, but Paulo just rolled his eyes and adjusted the bag’s strap on his shoulder.

“Have you had breakfast? There’s a good café on the way to my place, so we could stop and get coffee and croissants or something,” Alvaro said when they exited the station.

“I didn’t have time for breakfast, so yeah, that sounds good. If you haven’t had breakfast either. I mean, I can manage without,” Paulo answered.

“Don’t be an idiot, of course you need to have breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day. I thought you’d know that, being a scientist and all…” Alvaro teased. He smiled at Paulo, and Paulo wanted to roll his eyes, or give Alvaro the evil eye, but of course the only thing his face was capable of doing was returning the smile. He also punched Alvaro lightly on the upper arm, and Alvaro giggled and punched him back, and they ended up acting like a couple of nine-year-olds, chasing each other, trying to avoid the other’s punches.

It only ended when Alvaro stopped and told Paulo that they were at the café.

The woman behind the counter greeted them cheerfully, and she and Alvaro exchanged some pleasantries. They ordered coffee and sandwiches, and Alvaro started saying that they would have them to go, but Paulo interrupted him:

“Actually, could we eat here? We’ll probably forget all about breakfast the second we get to your place,” Paulo said, which made Alvaro look panicked for a split second before he realized that the woman taking their order most likely didn’t speak Spanish. The look on Alvaro’s face morphed into a wicked grin, before he turned to the woman again and told her that they after all would eat in. There were a few other customers in the café, and therefore no chance of getting any privacy, but Paulo let his hand rest against Alvaro’s on the table, and Alvaro seemed to be fine with that. Even though it was only the backs of their hands touching, Paulo could feel the heat from Alvaro’s skin in his entire body. It was honestly a little overwhelming.

“Hey, I just wanted to say I think last night was something pretty special,” Paulo said, feeling a little nervous, hoping that Alvaro wouldn’t think it was too much. “Like I don’t usually connect with people that easily. And… I dunno. I just had a really good time.”

“I had a really good time too,” Alvaro said with a small smile, and brushed his fingers against the back of Paulo’s hand. “It was a bit magical, wasn’t it?” he asked, his smile growing wider.

“Yeah, it was,” Paulo agreed. Alvaro looked at Paulo with the softest eyes, and it made Paulo melt inside. He felt an almost uncontrollable need to kiss Alvaro, but he didn’t want to cause trouble for him or make him uncomfortable, so Paulo diverted his eyes and started to eat his sandwich.

As they ate, Alvaro asked if Paulo had slept well and if there had been any trouble with the tube. Paulo answered yes to both questions, because he didn’t want Alvaro to worry. He then asked Alvaro what part of London they were in, and the answer (Brixton) came with a tone that was half contemptuous, half apologetic. Paulo could admit that it wasn’t the most beautiful part of the city. It was certainly nothing like the parts of London they had walked through during the night, but Paulo didn’t think it was _that_ bad, and tried to make Alvaro feel better:

“It’s a nice neighbourhood. The people seem friendly.” Paulo knew how fake that sounded the moment he said it, but he tried to look sincere when Alvaro met his gaze.

“No it isn’t, it’s shit. Like practically everything south of the river,” Alvaro said matter-of-factly.

“Oh, we’re south of the river?” Paulo asked.

Alvaro burst out laughing.

“You honestly didn’t know where we are? Like you just… got on the tube and came to some random place?” Alvaro wheezed out, sounding incredulous.

Paulo realized that he had just blindly followed Alvaro’s directions, and not even bothered to find out where he was going. In hindsight, that might have been a little reckless of him, seeing as Alvaro was practically a stranger. 

”Well... yeah,” was all Paulo could say. Alvaro shook his head a little, still laughing

As they finished up their breakfast, Alvaro told Paulo about all the things he didn’t like about South London, and Paulo was just content with watching Alvaro talk. When they were done, they headed towards Alvaro’s place. They walked for a few minutes without speaking, but Paulo thought it was quite a comfortable silence, and he didn’t feel the need to break it. Every now and then they turned to look at each other, and exchange a smile. They turned onto a side street, and Alvaro soon stopped by a three-storey building that looked relatively modern.

“Oh, umm… I didn’t really have time to clean, so the place is a bit of a mess,” Alvaro said as he was about to open the door to a second-floor flat, once again looking like he had disappointed Paulo.

“I don’t care,” Paulo answered truthfully, and placed his hand on the small of Alvaro’s back. Alvaro gave him a timid smile, and then let them in.

The first thing Paulo saw was a huge Union Jack hanging of the wall in the (in fact not-at-all-messy) hallway, and next to it, there was a smaller, blue flag, with a particularly ugly drawing of a skull and crossbones. He thought the symbol looked familiar, but his sleep deprived brain couldn’t really place it. He stopped thinking about it when Alvaro pulled him into a hug and kissed him fiercely. His tongue pushed into Paulo’s mouth, and it was dirty and needy, and completely perfect. Alvaro tasted like coffee, and his hair was soft under Paulo’s hands. Paulo never wanted the kiss to end.

“Jesus I’ve been wanting to do this for the past 30 minutes,” Alvaro said against Paulo’s lips. “Not touching you was physically painful.”

Paulo only kissed Alvaro even more deeply, and pushed his body against him. The angle was a little awkward since Alvaro was so much taller, but somehow Paulo still felt like it was the most comfortable position he had ever been in. Alvaro let go of Paulo for a moment to quickly take off his coat, and made sure to get in a couple of kisses before helping Paulo do the same. They kept making out right there in the hallway, and Alvaro’s hands soon wound their way under Paulo’s hoodie, and then his t-shirt. Paulo responded in kind, but Alvaro stopped him.

“Wait, wait,” Alvaro panted, already a little breathless. “We have all the time in the world, let’s just take it slow” he said.

“You started it,” Paulo grumbled before his lips were reclaimed by Alvaro, who smiled into the kiss, and bit Paulo’s bottom lip.

“Cheeky,” he whispered. It made Paulo giggle.

Alvaro took Paulo’s hand and led him to the living room. They sat down next to each other, and Alvaro put his arm around Paulo’s shoulders, and then kissed his hand, which he was still holding. He moved to kiss Paulo’s lips again, and this time everything was slow, almost agonizingly so, but Paulo was happy to let Alvaro take his time. Nobody had ever treated Paulo like this, and he struggled not to think about it as love.

Paulo wrapped his arms around Alvaro’s neck and drew him in a little closer. Alvaro’s mouth moved from Paulo’s lips to his neck, and one of his hands started to gently touch all over Paulo’s body. Paulo sighed contently as Alvaro’s fingers ghosted over his nipples, and he arched into his touch. Paulo’s mouth found Alvaro’s, and it didn’t take long before the urgency was back in their movements. Paulo moved to straddle Alvaro to get a better angle, and when he felt Alvaro’s hands on his ass, a little moan escaped him. It made Alvaro smile, and he pulled away from the kiss. He looked at Paulo’s face with a kind of fascination that made Paulo blush a little.

“What?” Paulo asked with a nervous laugh.

“You’re gorgeous,” Alvaro answered earnestly. It made Paulo blush even more, and he had to look down at some unspecific point on the sofa.

“You’re one to talk,” he mumbled and looked at Alvaro through his eyelashes. Alvaro smiled bashfully, and Paulo had never seen anything as cute in his life, so for a moment they just sat there smiling at each other.

“Sorry about earlier. About not… Well, about not kissing you sooner,” Alvaro said, his eyes a little sad.

“It’s okay,” Paulo replied.

“Stop saying that everything is okay,” Alvaro chided, ruffling Paulo’s hair. “Sometimes it’s good to admit that things suck and that you wish they didn’t,” he continued.

“Okay,” Paulo began defiantly. “It sucks that you didn’t kiss me at the tube station the moment we met.”

Alvaro gave an approving nod.

“But I also get that PDAs aren’t an option,” Paulo said. He took a deep breath before continuing. “This is gonna sound pretty lame, but yesterday was the first time I held hands with a guy in public. I’m not really out to any of my friends, and the only reason I even risked going to a gay club is that I’m in another country where literally nobody knows me.” It was all out before Paulo could think any better of it. God, it was easy to talk to Alvaro. Somehow Paulo just trusted him, and it honestly scared him senseless.

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Alvaro sighed. He fiddled with the drawstrings on Paulo’s hoodie. “Like I said last night, or this morning, or whatever, I’m not out to a lot of my friends. My roommate knows, but he’s not happy about it. I mean, he doesn’t really want to know anything about that -I mean _this_ \- part of my life, and he keeps saying that I should just keep quiet about being gay,” Alvaro said.

“But it’s not his decision to make. If you want to be open about your sexuality, you should be,” Paulo objected.

“I know. He’s just trying to look after me. The crowd we hang with isn’t really… They’re not always the most tolerant people, so he’s right; it’s easier to just hide it,” Alvaro explained. It sounded very familiar to Paulo, so he didn’t push the matter further.

He only rested his hands on Alvaro’s shoulders and leaned in to kiss him. He sucked on Alvaro’s lip, and Alvaro gripped his ass again, this time a little firmer. They kissed deeply, and Paulo was starting to get turned on. Alvaro moved his hands a little further up, under Paulo’s t-shirt and Paulo pushed himself closer to Alvaro, wanting to feel his body. Alvaro tugged a little at the back of his hoodie, whispering “off”. And so Paulo complied, taking off his hoodie as fast as he could. He then got back to kissing Alvaro, who apparently wasn’t satisfied, since he started to pull up the hem of Paulo’s t-shirt. Paulo was once again happy to oblige, and he leaned back just a little so he could remove the shirt. Alvaro ran his hands slowly up and down Paulo’s thighs, and Paulo couldn’t wait to get rid of his jeans too.

But as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, Alvaro froze. His hands stopped moving, and his eyes were fixed on the left side of Paulo’s ribcage. On Paulo’s tattoo. The silhouettes of four men, and the text _Drughi Bianconeri_. It was the same image the ultras had on their banners in the stadium, and Paulo had always been so proud of that tattoo. It showed everyone where he belonged. But now he just wanted it to disappear, because it had caused that look on Alvaro’s face. Alvaro removed his hands completely from Paulo’s body, and closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Paulo didn’t know what to do. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but the words got stuck in his throat. Alvaro opened his eyes slowly, but he didn’t look at Paulo.

“Did you come to London for the match?” Alvaro finally asked, still not meeting Paulo’s eyes.

Paulo looked at Alvaro, somehow unable to do anything else, and answered with a small nod and a whispered ‘yes’. And then he remembered the flag in the hallway. The skull and crossbones. It was the emblem of Chelsea’s hooligans, The Headhunters. The whole situation felt surreal, and Paulo felt like time was standing still. He was afraid to even move, so he just stayed as he was, on Alvaro’s lap, half naked and clutching his own t-shirt as if it was a lifeline to the beautiful moment he and Alvaro had shared just a minute ago.

“Are you…,” Paulo started, but the flag in the hallway made it unnecessary to ask if Alvaro was a Chelsea supporter. Of course he was. So Paulo just swallowed thickly, trying to get rid of the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat.

“Chelsea? Yeah,” Alvaro finished for him. Paulo just nodded. He wanted to hate Alvaro, and for a split second he tried to let himself feel that anger and hatred, he tried to see Alvaro as a rival ultra, as an enemy. And a part of him, some messed up, subconscious corner of his brain, even told him to prepare for a fight, for violence, and to wait for the first punch. But he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t see anything bad in the person in front of him. Instead, he wanted Alvaro’s hands back on him, he wanted Alvaro to hold him like he had last night. And he still wanted to know when Alvaro’s birthday was.

“Maybe you should go,” Alvaro said, looking anywhere but at Paulo. It made sense. Leaving made sense. Any future he and Alvaro might have had, however brief, was washed away, and Paulo knew that it was best to just get out quickly and never think about this again. But it broke his heart. The happiness he had felt since meeting Alvaro vanished with those words, and he was sure that he would never get it back. He carefully got off Alvaro, trying not to touch him more than necessary, and picked up his hoodie from the floor before walking to the hallway. He wanted to look back, to look at Alvaro, but he knew it would only make it worse, and so he dressed quickly. When he was about to get his coat, he heard Alvaro get up and hastily follow him to the hallway.


	3. Chapter 3

Paulo stilled his movements, but couldn’t look at Alvaro even as he came to stand next to him. 

“Paulo,” Alvaro said, grabbing lightly at Paulo’s sleeve. “Fuck it, it’s just football.” The tone in his voice was hopeful, but his expression pained. Paulo felt his pulse get faster.

“No it isn’t. It’s my entire life,” Paulo heard himself say quietly. Alvaro looked like he had been punched in the stomach, and he turned his gaze downwards. Paulo took a step towards him, so that they were only inches apart. He tried to steady his breath as he took Alvaro’s hands in his, and searched for Alvaro’s gaze. When their eyes met he smiled a sad smile at Alvaro. “But I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.” It felt like the most important confession he had made in his entire life.

Alvaro looked like he was about to cry, but he managed a small smile. “Me neither,” he whispered.

Paulo wrapped his arms around Alvaro’s neck, got up on his tiptoes, and kissed him hesitantly on the corner of the mouth. Alvaro didn’t move for a beat, but then his arms wrapped around Paulo’s waist, and he tilted his head so that their lips met. Alvaro’s grip tightened as he carefully licked his tongue into Paulo’s mouth. It was tentative at first, like they were both trying to decide how they felt about the situation. Alvaro sighed into the kiss and Paulo could feel him relax. He didn’t know what this all meant, or what he was supposed to think about it, but he did know that he needed Alvaro. He needed him in every way a person could need another, and so he kissed Alvaro with everything he had. It was desperate and messy, and in no time their hands were moving all over each other’s bodies.

“Pick up where we left off, yeah?” Paulo checked, just briefly pulling away from the kiss.

“Yes… Fuck yes, “Alvaro panted. “I’m sorry I made a big deal out of this,” he continued, his hand moving over the spot where Paulo’s tattoo was.

“It kinda _is_ a big deal, but let’s not talk about it now,” Paulo hissed before again kissing Alvaro.

Their movements were everything but coordinated; Alvaro’s hands had found their way back to Paulo’s ass, and his touches were getting bolder by the minute. Paulo was pulling Alvaro’s hair and scratching his neck, trying not to lose his balance when Alvaro pushed his hips against him. They were making noises that would have made them feel embarrassed if they both hadn’t been way past caring.

“Bedroom?” Paulo asked after a moment, and Alvaro responded with a hum and by leading Paulo through the living room to the other side of the apartment. He didn’t stop touching Paulo even for one second.

They were standing in the middle of Alvaro’s room, and this time Paulo didn’t need any encouragement to undress. He removed his hoodie and his t-shirt in one go, and then started to lift the hem of Alvaro’s sweater. It made Alvaro look a little uncertain, but he didn’t stop Paulo, so soon Alvaro was also naked from the waist up.

And Paulo couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Sure, Alvaro had the most beautiful body, his muscles were toned and he had a light scattering of hair in the middle of his chest. But just above his left nipple, there was a tattoo of Chelsea’s logo. Alvaro shrugged and did a thing with his eyebrows as if to say he was sorry, and it made him look so adorable that Paulo burst out laughing. The whole situation just felt so absurd.

“Are you kidding me?” Paulo managed to get out.

“Shut up,” Alvaro mumbled, but he couldn’t help but giggle a bit too.

Paulo was still smiling as he slowly traced the outline of Alvaro’s tattoo. He let his finger circle the round image a few times, feeling Alvaro’s eyes on him.

“Are we okay?” Alvaro whispered, his face serious.

“Mmhmm;” Paulo responded, not taking his eyes of the stylized blue lion on Alvaro’s chest. It was an ugly picture, Paulo thought. He didn’t tell Alvaro that.

He moved his fingers slightly so that they brushed over Alvaro’s nipple, and it caused Alvaro to let out a small surprised sound. Alvaro pulled Paulo a little closer and kissed him hotly on the lips. Paulo kept rubbing his thumb over Alvaro’s nipple lightly while his other hand was firmly placed on the other’s hip. It didn’t take them long to find the perfect rhythm, their hands touching in just the right places, their breaths coming out in synch.

Paulo cupped Alvaro’s cock lightly through his jeans, noting that he was more than a little hard, and it made Alvaro gasp into his mouth. Slowly, Paulo started to undo the button and zipper of Alvaro’s jeans, and Alvaro answered by biting down on Paulo’s lip. It made Paulo taste blood in his mouth, but he didn’t care. He moved to kiss the side of Alvaro’s neck, and only then did he notice a jagged scar just where Alvaro’s neck met his shoulder. He decided not to ask about it and not to even think about it right then. Even though it was quite faded, Paulo had a pretty good idea about what could have caused it, and it made him sick to his stomach to think about it.

Alvaro sighed contently, and Paulo started to pull down his jeans carefully. Alvaro’s arms were strong around Paulo’s upper back, and Paulo felt a bit weak when he realized that just being held by Alvaro made him feel safe. Or maybe it was his own arousal that made him feel weak. It could have been either, really. He decided to not think about that either, and just continued to kiss Alvaro’s neck, biting a little, and then kissing the same spot tenderly.

Paulo got down on his knees, and dragged his tongue along Alvaro’s lower tummy while pulling down his jeans and underwear even further. Alvaro closed his eyes and breathed out harshly, whispering a barely audible “oh god”. Paulo couldn’t keep a small smile from forming on his lips, even as he realized that the anticipation made him tremble slightly. He looked up at Alvaro and took a firm hold of his thighs, trying to steady himself. He kept his eyes trained on Alvaro’s face as he took him into his mouth and sucked the tip of Alvaro’s cock lightly, which made Alvaro swear under his breath. He put a hand on Paulo’s shoulder, holding on gently, before meeting Paulo’s gaze. They didn’t break eye contact as Paulo started to slide his lips up and down Alvaro’s cock.

Alvaro’s mouth fell open when Paulo swirled his tongue in a certain way, and his breath got a little more laboured, but they still kept looking into each other’s eyes. Paulo probably couldn’t have looked away if he wanted to. Alvaro moved his hand from Paulo’s shoulder to lightly cup his cheek before twining his fingers in Paulo’s hair. When Paulo sped up his pace slightly, he could taste Alvaro’s precome on his tongue. He swallowed some, but then had a better idea. He held on to the base of Alvaro’s cock, and pulled off slowly, moving his hand firmly up and down the shaft. Alvaro gasped softly, and Paulo had to break their eye contact to instead look at Alvaro’s hardness. As he moved his hand, some more precome leaked out and he leaned forwards to catch it on his lips, smearing it around like lip gloss using the tip of Alvaro’s cock as an applicator.

“You’re killing me,” Alvaro choked out as he watched Paulo ministrations, his grip of Paulo’s hair getting steadily tighter. Paulo just smiled and licked his lips in the most exaggeratedly seductive way he could. “Come here,” Alvaro growled, pulling up Paulo by his arms. It made Paulo giggle, but Alvaro kissed him with such force that he almost fell over. Alvaro was kissing like his life depended on it; he bit Paulo’s lips, he dragged his teeth over his jaw, and sucked messily on his neck.

Alvaro started walking them towards the bed, his hands moving all over Paulo’s body. He stopped to kick off his jeans and then proceeded to unbutton Paulo’s. It was uncoordinated and clumsy, and Paulo had to help a little, although he was even more shaky than Alvaro, feeling so turned on that it was almost painful. In the end they made it work, and Alvaro lay down on the bed, pulling Paulo on top of him. They were panting into each other’s mouth as they continued to make out, and Alvaro’s hands soon found Paulo’s ass. He squeezed Paulo’s ass cheeks hard and it made Paulo moan loudly. All finesse was gone from their movements, and although Paulo wanted to make this last, his body was screaming for release.

He moved his hips against Alvaro’s, trying to find a rhythm, but as their cocks met, he couldn’t keep from saying what he had wanted for the past hours. “Alvaro, I need you, please… please fuck me” he whispered desperately against Alvaro’s neck. 

Alvaro’s answer was a searing kiss and his arms wrapping tightly around Paulo. He gently maneuverer them so that he was on top of Paulo, and asked: “You sure? You’re not sore from last night?”

“Y-yes, I’m fine,” Paulo stammered. His head was spinning. To have someone who actually cared about something like that… To have someone who actually checked that he as okay… For the first time in his life he felt like he wanted that, wanted to have someone who would always care about him in this way. He wanted a boyfriend, not just a one-night stand. He wanted Alvaro to be his boyfriend.

At the edges of his awareness, Paulo noticed Alvaro digging through the drawer of the nightstand, and producing a bottle of lube and a condom. Alvaro kissed all over Paulo’s chest, spending some extra time on his nipples, as he spread lube over his own fingers and then brought them between Paulo’s legs. Paulo was unable to keep small gasps escaping his mouth, but it was okay. He was okay with Alvaro knowing how good it felt.

Alvaro circled his finger around Paulo’s entrance, just as his tongue was circling Paulo’s nipple. He pushed his finger in slowly and looked up at Paulo’s face. If Paulo would have kept his eyes open, he would have seen that Alvaro’s gaze was full of tenderness. But Paulo had his head thrown back, his eyes firmly shut, and he was fully focused on enjoying the wonderful feeling, and as Alvaro started to move his finger, Paulo let out a barely audible “yes”. It encouraged Alvaro, who leaned up to steal a kiss before adding another finger and working him open quickly and efficiently. Paulo felt empty when Alvaro’s fingers left his body, but when Alvaro grabbed the condom the anticipation of what was to come made Paulo even more turned on.

Alvaro pushed in slowly. He kissed Paulo hungrily, swallowing the sigh that came from Paulo’s lips, and Paulo wrapped his legs around Alvaro’s body, needing him to be even closer. As Alvaro started to move, Paulo saw stars. His entire body was on fire and he was only capable of holding Alvaro tighter. The rhythm that Alvaro set was torturously slow, but it allowed them to calm down a little, to enjoy the moment a bit longer. Paulo let his eyes scan over Alvaro’s beautiful face, and it made Alvaro smile in the sweetest way Paulo had ever seen anyone smile. The kiss they shared was more chaste this time, just lips touching lips.

But they both needed more, and when Alvaro started to move faster, Paulo whispered a litany of “yes yes yes”. Alvaro was telling him how good he was, how good it felt, and although Paulo was too turned on to really understand the words, he loved the sound of Alvaro’s voice. Soon Alvaro grabbed Paulo’s legs and pushed them up and forward so that Paulo was almost bent in half. The angle of Alvaro’s thrusts was perfect, and Paulo was leaking more precome than he thought possible. When Alvaro picked up the pace again, and the obscene noise of Alvaro’s hips meeting Paulo’s echoed in the room, Paulo let out a broken shout. Alvaro shushed him half-heartedly before once again covering Paulo’s lip with his own.

They were both sweaty and out of breath, and it didn’t take long for Alvaro’s movements to become slightly frantic. He pushed into Paulo with such force that the bed slammed against the wall over and over again, and Paulo was sure that every single person in whatever part of London this was could hear what they were doing. Alvaro was getting louder as his climax got closer, his moans mixing with the sounds of sex, and Paulo wasn’t far behind. When Alvaro grabbed Paulo’s cock and started jerking him off, it only took seconds before Paulo was coming, his back arching and his whole body shaking from the orgasm. Alvaro followed soon after, even if Paulo was a little too fucked out to actually register the event.

The world seemed to have disappeared from around them, and for a moment they just stayed still, Alvaro collapsed on Paulo’s chest, and Paulo holding on to Alvaro so tight that his fingers would leave bruises on Alvaro’s back. They just lay there, catching their breaths, their eyes closed for fear of it all being a dream. Alvaro moved so that he was able to kiss Paulo, while Paulo’s fingers kept gently scraping at his scalp. They both wanted to stay like that forever, but Paulo was the first one to burst the little bubble they had been in.

“What time is it?” Alvaro pointed lazily at a clock on the wall as an answer. Almost 3 pm. They still had time.

“Alvaro,” Paulo began, but he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. Alvaro shifted again and Paulo ended up laying half on top of him, with his cheek comfortably resting on Alvaro’s chest and Alvaro’s strong arms around him. There was a long, and somehow heavy silence, before Alvaro took a deep breath and started talking.

“Tell me how you got into this,” he asked brushing his fingers over Paulo’s tattoo, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Paulo was slightly taken aback by the question, and it gave him that sick feeling in his tummy that he had gotten earlier when Alvaro asked him to leave. But he wanted to tell Alvaro, he didn’t want them to have secrets.

“Well… I guess…” He sighed and looked up at Alvaro. “I’ll try to keep it short.” He smiled when Alvaro just huffed out a little laugh. “I was around seventeen, and I became friends with this guy whose older brother was an ultra. And we kinda just started hanging out with him and his friends, and… well, then all of a sudden I had this tattoo,” Paulo explained quietly. And he really wasn’t sure how it had happened. In hindsight, it would have been so easy not to go with Matteo and his brother to the games, it would have been easy to just run away from his first fight, or at least make sure there wasn’t a second one for him. But then again… The ultras had made him feel so good about himself. They made him feel like he was part of something bigger, and after a good fight he always felt invincible. Besides, there was really no better way of showing his dedication to his beloved Juventus, right?

Alvaro didn’t say anything for a long time, but he kept running his hands in slow circles all over Paulo’s back. Paulo looked up at Alvaro when he couldn’t take the silence anymore, and noticed the scar on his neck again. He touched it as lightly as he could, looking questioningly at Alvaro.

“Yeah, that was… not a great night,” Alvaro said with a wry smile, his gaze aimed at the ceiling. “I was really lucky that it didn’t hit my jugular. That’s what the doctors said, anyway,” he continued slowly. “The bottle, I mean. It was… it was a broken bottle. That did it. Or, like, obviously there was a person holding the bottle.” The joke fell a little flat. It hurt Paulo’s heart to think that Alvaro might have died that night. He continued: “We played West Ham in the FA cup about five years ago. I honestly can’t remember the final score, but I remember the fight. We took a pretty good beating. And I woke up in the hospital with 25 stiches in my neck.”

At that, Paulo leaned up to kiss Alvaro, desperately wanting to protect him from something that had already happened years ago. Alvaro kissed back like he knew what Paulo was thinking and wanted to reassure him; _I’m still here, it’s okay, I survived_.

When they broke apart Alvaro kept holding Paulo in the most loving way, and kissed him a couple of times on the cheek before they settled to their previous position.

“Paulo? Can I tell you something,” Alvaro asked after a moment.

“Of course.”

“I guess it doesn’t really matter, but I feel guilty about it, so… Umm, the thing is… I lied about something last night.”

Paulo was frantically trying to think of everything they had talked about, but he couldn’t guess what Alvaro wanted to say. And he didn’t have to because Alvaro soon continued.

“Well, you know how I said that I had just graduated from uni and that I was still looking for a job? The thing is, I graduated three years ago, and I managed to get this really great job in a school here in London. But then…” Alvaro sighed and closed his eyes. “I kept going to the games. And the fights. And then this one time… We thought the police wouldn’t be able to find us, but… Someone got really badly hurt. And a lot of us got arrested.” Alvaro looked like he was on the verge of tears, and Paulo felt a lump in his own throat. He reached up to comb his fingers through Alvaro’s hair, trying to comfort him. “I got a suspended prison sentence. So I’ll probably never get a job as a teacher again,” Alvaro finished.

“I don’t know what to say,” Paulo replied. It was a little overwhelming. He had never gotten into any serious trouble, and had never really paused to think about what would happen if he got arrested.

“It’s okay,” Alvaro said. “I know it’s messed up. And it’s not your problem, so, you don’t need to worry about it. I just felt shitty for lying.”

Paulo just nodded. He wanted it to be his problem, but he was pretty sure that that would be assuming too much about their relationship. “Do you still go to games? And… things?” He ended up asking.

“No, I was banned from the stadium. But the other stuff… I mean, my roommate is really active with all of it, and my entire social life has been based around the Headhunters for so long that I don’t really have any other life. It has been my top priority, and a part of me, for so long that I don’t know how to stop,” Alvaro explained, but then added in a whisper “…even though I want to.”

“You want to get away from it?” Paulo asked, surprised by the confession.

“I’m not sure I ever wanted this in the first place,” Alvaro said, looking miserable. “Just like you, I kinda just went along with a friend. The guy, my roommate, we’ve known each other since… forever. And when he started to go to the games with these certain people, I thought I’d better make sure he’s okay. But then it escalated. And Chelsea gave my life some sort of purpose.”

To Paulo the answer was obvious. “Then start over. Move away from London. Go to a new place and meet new people. Go back to uni and study something else. Become a new person and find a new purpose.”

Alvaro shook his head. “It’s not that easy…”

“It can be,” Paulo tried. He didn’t want to push, but he could see the sadness in Alvaro’s eyes, and he wanted to make it better.

“Let’s not talk about this now,” Alvaro said pleadingly, and kissed Paulo’s forehead tenderly.

Paulo looked at the clock again and realized that he would have to leave if he didn’t want to miss his flight. He kissed Alvaro as he reluctantly got up from the bed. When Alvaro looked a little alarmed, he pointed to the clock. “I have to go soon. You think I could maybe take a quick shower?”

“Only if I can come with you,” Alvaro said with a cheeky smile. Paulo returned the smile and motioned Alvaro to lead the way. The seriousness of their conversation wasn’t forgotten, but they were all smiles as they made their way to the bathroom. They kissed and hugged as they washed each other, exchanging smiles, but no words. They both felt a need to postpone the eventual talk of how, or if, to continue their relationship as much as possible.

Paulo was calculating whether staying in London for a couple more days would be an option as they got out of the shower and dried themselves off. He concluded that there was no way he could afford another plane ticket and accommodation, since Alvaro’s roommate probably wouldn’t be happy about having him as a guest. Besides, he would miss too many important lectures, and he had a couple of deadlines coming up. And he had promised to do a work shift at the supermarket the next day, so really not an option.

Just as Paulo came to that conclusion, Alvaro started to dry Paulo’s hair in the most exaggerated way, ruffling it with his towel so that it most definitely would tangle and make him look like he’d been electrocuted, but Paulo just laughed. It was the most adorable thing, and it made him so profoundly happy. How was he ever going to be able to say goodbye to Alvaro? Maybe he could stay a little longer?

“Perfect,” Alvaro said as he removed the towel and admired the result of his work. He combed his fingers through Paulo’s hair a few times, trying to tame the chaos he had created, but not really having much success. Paulo couldn’t stop smiling.

There were more kisses before they went back to Alvaro’s room to get dressed, but Paulo knew that they needed to talk. He didn’t doubt for a moment that they would meet again, even though the reality of it was that he had no idea how they could make it work. When Alvaro was done he sat down on the bed, watching Paulo put on the last of his clothes.

“You’re really beautiful,” he said when Paulo looked at him questioningly.

“Creep,” Paulo muttered, which made Alvaro laugh, a little embarrassed.

Paulo sat down next to Alvaro, their shoulders and thighs pressed together.

“So…” Paulo began. “I want to see you again. I hope this isn’t too much too soon, but I really like you. In a way I’ve never liked anyone before. So, umm, I just… I just want to give this a chance. Give us a chance. I’m not sure of how to make it work in practice, but if you feel the same way then… maybe it could work? Somehow?”

“Yes,” Alvaro said immediately, looking Paulo deep in the eyes. “Yes. I feel the same and I want to give us a chance. We’ll figure it out. We can make it work. I know we can.” He said it with such conviction that Paulo believed him. “Look, I’ll save up money and then I can come and visit you in Italy, yeah?”

And Paulo wanted that so much. He saw himself walking the streets of Turin with Alvaro, showing him all of his favorite places in the city, having dinner together, maybe going to the movies. But then he realized that it could never be like that. They would have to hide, and Alvaro would have to be a secret.

Alvaro probably saw the shift in Paulo’s feelings, because just as Paulo was sure that they perhaps couldn’t figure this out after all, Alvaro continued:

“I know we can’t be open about this, but it’s okay. At least it’s okay for me. It’s enough for me to get to have you behind closed doors.” He took Paulo’s hand in his and looked at him with the most hopeful expression on his face. And of course Paulo agreed. Having to hide Alvaro was better than not having him at all, so he nodded and kissed Alvaro quickly on the lips.

“And in the meantime we can facetime,” Paulo suggested.

“I’ll facetime you so much you’ll regret giving me your number,” was Alvaro’s answer. When they kissed it felt like they sealed a pact; they would make it work. They would be Paulo-and-Alvaro.

But it was also time for Paulo to leave. Alvaro was the one who brought it up, saying that Paulo would be late if he didn’t leave soon. He then got a pen and paper and wrote a short description for Paulo of how to get to airport. It made Paulo’s heart feel all kinds of things to have Alvaro taking such good care of him.

Neither of them were really sure of how to say goodbye to someone you had just met, but who also meant so much to you, and so they just stood in the hallway and hugged and kissed slowly. It was a stark contrast to what their kisses had been like just a little earlier right there in the same place.

“Do you want me to come with you to the airport? Or even just the tube station?” Alvaro asked.

“No, saying goodbye here is better,” Paulo whispered against Alvaro’s shoulder. Holding Alvaro and leaning against his chest had fast become Paulo’s favorite thing, and he didn’t want to let go, but he had to. And so he took a deep breath, trying to commit Alvaro’s smell to memory before letting go and putting on his jacket.

“Thank you, Alvaro,” he said before grabbing his bag.

Alvaro looked sad, but managed a smile. “What for?” he asked.

“I’m not even sure. Just… everything,” Paulo said.

Alvaro gave a small nod. “Fly safe. And let me know when you get to the airport, so I’ll know you didn’t get lost,” he said, trying to sound less concerned than he probably was.

“I will,” Paulo promised as he opened the door.  


End file.
